XVI Harry Benjamin International Gender Dysphoria Association Symposium
17 - 21 August 1999, London

Reflections on "Transsexualism and Sex Reassignment" 1969 -1999

A Transgender Dilemma: The Forgotten Journey of the Partners and Families

Cole, Sandra S., Ph.D. Professor and Director University of Michigan Health System Comprehensive Gender Services Program Ann Arbor, Michigan, USA

Partners, couples and families will often seek a therapist in the wake of true gender identity disclosure or discovery. The pivotal point which dramatically influences the ability of a partner, spouse, or family member to experience or accommodate the individual’s gender uniqueness lies clearly in the manner and context of discovery. When, how, and from whom the significant other or family learns the true transgender identity of a loved one is fundamentally important, and may dramatically influence their ability to grasp, understand, and respond to this new situation and status change of the relationship, as well as integrate the presence and reality of transgender uniqueness into his or her own life and that of the family. Initial responses can resemble post-traumatic stress in those individuals who struggle with the discovery.

For couples in intimate partnerships, with or without children, in which the transgendered person’s true gender identity has been disclosed, the partner’s own personal sexual history may compound predictable concerns for self and the relationship…and thus the partner’s new journey begins. Family members and partners may feel that their personal concerns and anxieties are eclipsed by this new transgender presence, and they often express difficulty or inability to have their concerns heard, understood, and respected.

Recommended guidelines for the mental health provider will include indicators which influence and encourage successful outcome and viability for gender enhanced relationships.